Tuesday, April 27, 2010

A Productive Use of My Summer

Summer is an interesting time for people involved in academia. When I was growing up, I thought teachers had summer all to themselves. Now that I am a teacher, I see it a little differently. As an adjunct professor, I need to teach and find ways to make money throughout the summer. But that doesn't mean I don't have free time, and as the semester roles to an end I need to figure out how best to use that free time. Now, I could sit in front of my TV and play hour upon hour of Modern Warfare 2, but thanks to Todd and Rae I've got an awesome challenge to confront. 16 Books, 16 Weeks. That's right, a book a week. Now that may seem daunting, but it's a challenge I can handle. So, here's my list of summer reading.

1. "The Year of the Flood" (Margaret Atwood)
2. "The Supergirls" (Mike Madrid)
3. "Twilight of the Superheroes" (Deborah Eisenberg... See More
4. "I Will Fear No Evil" (Robert Heinlein)
5. "Vacation" (Deb Olin Unferth)
6. "2666" (Roberto Bolano)
7. "Ficciones" (Jorge Luis Borges)
8. "Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History" (Laurel Thatcher Ulrich)
9. "Do Anything" (Warren Ellis)
10. "Hand to Mouth" (Paul Auster)
11. "Manhood For Amateurs" (Michael Chabon)
12. "McSweeney's #34" (McSweeney's)
13. "Suttree" (Cormac McCarthy)
14. "The Writer's Notebook: Craft Essays from Tin House" (Tin House)
15. "Gentlemen of the Road" (Michael Chabon)
16. "Gun With Occasional Music" (Johnathan Lethem)

I'll be reading other books as well this summer. The next collected volumes of Y: The Last Man, The Walking Dead, Ex Machina, Fables, and Scott Pilgrim will be coming out this summer, but those being graphic novels, I'll probably rip through those in about 24 hours. But hey, if you are looking for a fun challenge this summer, I suggest you get on board. Find those 16 books you haven't been able to get to because of classes, work, or whatever. Get out in the sun, enjoy those books, and feel free to share your lists of 16.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

"I was but the learner, but now I am the master."

Content Warning: The following blog post contains quite a number of Star Wars references. Yeah, that's right, I learn and apply life lessons from some of the more dorkish parts of pop culture.

One of the things that I have enjoyed so much about being a student, particularly of English, was the mentor ship that exists. As an undergrad, I had great mentors. Mentors that helped me with my writing, mentors that helped me with my literary analysis, mentors that helped me with life choices. And it was great. Eventually though I did need to move on. At NAU I found new people and new mentors that pushed me even farther. How weak and underdeveloped would my writing be if I hadn't had Jane Woodman there to push me. I liked having mentors, I miss having mentors.

Since I've been back in Cedar teaching, I'm not really in the learner mentor situation much anymore. Yes, there are people to get advice from, to seek out when I'm just really not sure, but it isn't quite the same. And to be honest, I don't think it will be the same until I'm in a PhD program somewhere.

There is a point in The Empire Strikes Back where Luke has to go to the aging Jedi master Yoda and be trained in the ways of the force. Yoda makes Luke do head stands, float rocks, try to lift X-Wing ships out of the swamp, and even carry Yoda around on his back as he runs through the jungle. However, there comes a certain point when Yoda and Luke come upon a tree and Yoda tells Luke that he must face the dangers and tests there on his own. I think I've reached that point. That point where I need to step out and be...well, Joe.

I need to make my own mistakes, create my own victories, carve my name into stone, use my own blood, sweat, and piss to build a lasting memorial to my existence. This doesn't mean we do away with our mentors or our heroes. How horrible to be without heroes? We find them and connect with them and help shape us.

So here I am, I have to start making my own way, I have even found myself in the role of being a mentor to some of the people in my life. The thing that keeps nagging at me though, is that I miss being in the learner position. It was easier then, fewer mistakes, less responsibility, and the landscape was knowable. I'll be honest, I'm jealous of the people that have taken my place as a learner. I want to be back there, I want that relationship again. Or do I?

Luke would never have been able to defeat the Emperor, help redeem Darth Vader, if he had stayed the learner. He needed to become his own man, a Jedi Master. Charles Bukowski once said, "What really matters, is how you walk through the flame." When I look back at the flame that I have walked through, I wouldn't want to walk through it again. Those really difficult lessons, those painful mistakes, I learned from all of them. I may not be a master writer and I have lots left to learn, but I'm so glad to be where I am. My skin is tougher, my smile bigger, my hair thinner, my mind sharper.

I will still miss those old learner mentor relationships, get jealous of those that are there now, but this place, it is dark and new and and exciting and scary and...it is...Wow, just wow.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Damn the Man, Save the Empire

Well, it is nearing on finals week, so blogging has taken a massive back seat. But when a thought sticks in my head, it just needs to come out.

So my title, it already makes me kind of a hypocrite here. Being a college professor, in many situations, I am The Man. But hey, let's take this out of the sphere of my professional life and into my personal life and this fabulous experience of reconstruction and self actualization.

I do not like rules. Let's just call it rebellion or a healthy distrust for people in positions of authority. I've read 1984, V for Vendetta, Fahrenheit 451, and they have made me very suspicious of anyone trying to make rules for me. That's what I really dislike about rules, is people trying to impose their rules on me. I strongly believe in a Generation X term Me-Ism. A Me-Ism is a formulated, personally tailored set of rules, boundaries, and social behaviors that guide that individuals life. This can incorporate religions, new age mysticism, astrology, or just passages from Hunter S. Thompson and Jack Kerouac books. Building my own Me-Ism and keeping to it is really important to me. So when people try to impose their arbitrary rules on me, I reflexively start to chafe and kick back.

When I did my two year Mormon mission, the rules were a tough pill to swallow. The Missonary Training Center (MTC) was a larger culture shock than Korea was. Eventually you get use to keeping those rules, they become second nature. What I refused to swallow, was the rules that other missionaries decided to invent and impose on my day to day routine. In the MTC, they had something called Quiet Dignity. Basically, Quiet Dignity means don't be an ass. Don't scream, yell, be vulgar, or other things that would make you look uneducated, boorish, barbaric, or, the worst stereotype of being 19 years old and American. Now, some missionaries decided that Quiet Dignity means that you must shave every inch of humanity off from yourself. One windy day in the MTC I was walking to lunch. Unknown to me the wind had blown my tie up over my shoulder. Some missionary I had never seen before decided to stop me he put both hands on my shoulders put my tie back into place and said loudly so that other missionaries could see the size of his spirit and said "Quite Dignity Elder, Quiet Dignity". Now, my first urge was to punch the smug little boy in the throat, but I didn't. Little did I know, that was just the first time I would deal with this.

Even a decade after my mission, I still have people trying to impose their rules on me. I've been told there's something wrong with me for all of the following reasons: Drinking Dr. Pepper, watching movies rated R, not being married by 25, reading books, listening to music, voting Democrat, not voting Republican, not being a registered Republican, being an English teacher, buying Magic cards, buying comic books, buying records, buying books...look, the list goes on.

Here's the problem with other people's rules, you can never keep them. They will confront you in their passive aggressive way, "Do you know what that movie is rated?" There is no correct answer, they do not want an answer. They want you to know you are in the wrong and have broken their rule. No matter how hard you try and twist, wedge, or cram yourself into their rules, you can never do it. You will always be in the wrong. Live your rules, live your life, and be the best you you can be. Yeah, I know that's a rule. So hey, take it or leave it.

I'm still building my Me-Ism. I'm forging my own rules for dating, personal relationships, spirituality, and life in general. And it is great. Because, at the end of all this, they are my dates, my relationships, and most importantly, my spirituality. So yes, I will do things that make other people upset, that will make them shake their head and wonder what is wrong. To them I say Damn the Man, Save the Joe Willis Empire!