One Book, Two Book, Good Book, Bad Book.

Okay, the title is a little bit misleading, I'm not just going to talk about books here. But I've been more and more finding myself in a very odd situation. For the last seven years, my area of study has been very specific; I study narratives, stories, texts. It doesn't matter if it's a book, comic, or movie, I study how that particular medium tells it's story. I'm fascinated with character, plot, motive, conflict. I study it and I practice it. Now, that doesn't mean that I'm able to write the perfect story the way I would like to, there is definitely miles to travel on that road. However, I do know what a good story is when I read it, and, more importantly, I know when I read or see a bad one. I had better know anyway, student's grades kind of depend on that. So, my situation.

There are lots of terrible narratives out there, and being an English teacher I run into them. Not from my students mind you, (I've actually got some amazing students this semester and am really proud of them) but narratives in stores and theaters. And many of my students, friends, and family love these narratives and of course they come up. My goal is to be supportive of people that enjoy cinema and read books to start moving up the ladder to better books and movies. In order to do this, I try to keep my opinions to myself, but it isn't always that easy.

Transformers 2 pushed me over the edge. Whenever this movie comes up, I can't help but voice my opinion. Which is: it is probably the worst movie I have seen in five years. Okay, I know that is nonspecific and bordering on hyperbole. Transformers 2 is misogynistic, racist, base, pointless, and void of any satisfying story. And those are just the facts. I'm sorry if you liked it, or that me saying that about the film has offended you. (By the way, if it did really offend you, you may want to stop reading now.) So yes, this opinion sometimes slips out, like it did the other day in ENGL 2010: Writing About Graphic Narratives (Yes, I teach a comic book class). In response, one of my more intelligent students asked the question: "Well, what did you expect from it? It's big robots and things blowing up. The movie was what it was suppose to be." Damn smart students, he was right.

I saw the first Transformers movie, it was alright, not great. I know Michael Bay is a horrible writer and director. I went in expecting the second to be a weak film. I wasn't expecting it to be District 9, Iron Man, Aliens, Terminator 2, or other great Sci-Fi movies. But was that really what it was suppose to be? And can't I just be upset with what it was? Michael Bay knew that if he tried to connect with the lowest common denominator of movie goers, it would make him money, but couldn't it have been great? Couldn't it have transcended what Sci-Fi movies can be? You know what, I'm officially expecting more. The simple fact that every scene and shot of Aliens adds to that story, the characters, the greatness that is that film means that I'm allowed to be angry when there are robot testicle jokes and dogs humping for no reason. And as a teacher, I'm going to tell students that they can find better, much much better.

The problem with this stance, is that when I do take it, I'm the bad guy. When The Da Vinci Code came out, family members constantly asked me if I had read it. Me being the English Major, they assumed that I had. So, I gave it a try. At page 116 I gave up, I just couldn't handle the massive plot holes, weak characters, and piss poor narrative. When this information came out to my family, I was obviously wrong. I was the one who liked "Weird" things and of course had no idea what made a good book.

Why can't I expect more of Dan Brown? Why can't I expect him to write better sentences than my 1010 students? This goes double for Stephanie Myers.

HUGE WARNING: If you are a fan of Edward and his fellow sparkling people, turn back now!

I first want to say, if people start reading because of Dan and Stephanie, that is great. There are far too many people who don't read. And if they picked up The Da Vinci Code or Twilight and then moved on to other amazing books, that is great. I endorse that, but that shouldn't be the start and full stop. The Twilight books are just bad, poor writing, poor characterization, zero depth, and female lead character that I hope no girl out there would ever want to be like. There are books out there that are so much better: Coraline by Neil Gaiman, The Harry Potter books, A Series of Unfortunate Events. And those are just the young adult literature stuff (which Twilight is.) If you are an adult and you like Vampires (real vampires, Myers does not write vampires) then at least try some Ann Rice, or, hey, this great book by a man named Bram Stoker. It's called Dracula and is amazing.

My role as a teacher, particularly a college English teacher, is to help my students become better writers, to challenge them with more complex texts, and to not settle for weak or marginal. I wouldn't give a student an A if they submitted a paper or story with weak characters, horrible sentence structure, and misogynistic or racist themes. So why should I just be accepting of the same problems at the local theater or book store. What was I expecting? Well lately very little. America seems to be more and more accepting of slop and I can't expect it to change over night. What is it suppose to be? Better. Great. Amazing. Life changing.

In no way do I expect everyone to suddenly like the same things. Some people dislike fantasy, horror, romance, or science fiction, and that is great. But shouldn't we expect every horror movie or novel that comes out to be good, or well done?

I try to register my dissent and approval with my wallet, but sometimes that dissent is drowned out by the applause for robots with big gold teeth and sparkling stalkers.

Words

"Sharing words can be as intimate as sharing a bed." - Louise Erdrich

I'm finding this statement truer and truer every day. Tonight I spent time huddled over the green light of a photocopier copying some of my favorite stories for a friend. This friend has started their foray into the world of being a creative writer and has a lot of questions about fiction writing. So, me being the friend I am, I wanted to give some examples and a little bit of guidance.

As I stood next to the machine, I started to get a sense of how intimate this act was. The stories I was copying are some of my favorite stories. Stories that I have a passion for, that I love, that mean so much to me. It's scary to think of these stories getting rejected, despised, even hated. In a way, I feel like if these stories get rejected, it's like me getting rejected. As though this friendship is over if we don't see eye to eye on these pages of words. Now, that isn't really the case. All of my friends have different tastes in literature, movies, and music. And those differences are wonderful and what makes those friendships work, but there is something so intimate about our words.

I've stood in front of a woman and talked to her for an hour, giving her my words, and hoping that she gets the subtext of: "I really really want you". Every romantic relationship I get into tends to start with me giving the girl one of my own stories to read, and me having story time with her. It's like a test. Even if she doesn't like the stories, it's important that she understands the value of the gift I'm trying to give. This last summer, when I first met Kat, it took almost no time for me to give her a copy of my Masters thesis. She could have hated "The Later Adventures of Impressiveman" she could have not understood a single bit of "The Tightrope Walker" (She did like and understand them.), but what matters most, was the look on her face when she took that black bound book. It mattered to her. The first gift I gave her was a copy of her favorite book as a little kid, Pat the Bunny.

I've given words that I felt were as beautiful and unique as snow flakes, only to see them smashed and grimaced at like ash between fingers. There are words that I regret giving and words that I'm so happy to have had the chance to share. There are words that I have never given to anyone. I'm excited for the day that I will eventually give those words to someone.

I love the role words play in my life and relationships. If the intimacy of all my future relationships, both romantic and platonic, is dictated by the words I give and receive, then things are looking really good. When my friend sits down to read Aimee Bender's "Call My Name", or Johnathan Lethem's "The Vision", I know they won't read them the same way as I do. But, I hope they'll take them and understand how valuable these stories are to me. I want them to realize that in me sharing these stories, it is my way of showing them how important they are to me.

There's no real way of telling how our words are eventually received. I'm fairly certain that when I tell Sarah, Beth, and Rae that I love them, that they take that word for all that it is defined as. Because it means so much more than that one word can really hold. I hope that Kat understands that when she reads the I love yous in my letters, that it means something different and specific to her, that there is a huge level of trust attached to that word.

I have these stories ready to go to my friend, a play half done in a mole skin note book on my desk, a letter about ready to go out to Kat, and this post is just about done. I have so many words about to be gifted and put out there. I hope my friends are lifted, supported, and loved by the words intended for them, that audiences will be entertained by my narratives, that Kat will feel my heart pound in my letters, and that my enemies will be scared by the silence of a wordless world.

Glasses

I'm going to blame this all on Tina Fey. Now, I know that's unfair. And I know that there is no way that she could be the start of all of this, but she is going to take some of the blame anyway. I've recently noticed that my attraction to women who wear glasses has gotten more noticeable. Before it was just a situation of me seeing a pair of glasses on a woman accentuated her attractiveness, but now it's the first thing I look at. If there is a girl who I've seen a number of times and never really noticed, all she has to do is walk into the room with her glasses on and I'm paying much closer attention.

With the right pair of glasses, a girl can go from a name I can't quite remember, to someone I'm trying to get to know as well as I can. I remember when I first found out that Kat wore glasses. I probably made her a bit self conscious with my vocal adoration of her rimless specs. And true, she may not like wearing them all the time, but it's like some nice little present when she decides she doesn't want to mess with her contacts. In all honesty, that's usually when I am treated to glasses, when contacts become a hassle. Early in the morning, when a girl is trying to get to classes/work/on with the day, they just don't want to go through the routine of contacts (I'll admit, that I have no idea what that routine consists of, but I imagine it isn't that rough, more of an irritation. Correct me if I'm wrong.) they put on their pair of glasses, and I get an extra surprise with my day. Thank God for little things, right?

Many people will probably attribute this particular predilection to my time as an English major, English teacher, and librarian. And yes there is probably a bit of my desire for a naughty bookworm or librarian. Yes, I would love either of those, I would revel in one. And of course I've thought about the fact that our society equates intelligence with glasses. And of course I find intelligent women attractive. However, saying that is where this all came from is about as valid as me blaming Tina Fey for this. No, this all started much earlier than that. To start at the beginning, I would really need to blame two people: The Baroness and Lisa Loeb.

I mean, just look at those two! My informative years were filled with these two women. From when I could remember till I was fourteen, I was almost constantly watching G.I. Joe and Transformers (I hate you so much Michael Bay). And yes, I was well aware of the fact that The Baroness was one of the bad guys, but I still loved her. In fact, she was the first woman I fell in love with. I had her little action figure and she had a unique ability to be a secret double agent that would eventually show her true colors and be a good guy. She was also always the one who was smart enough to ruin Cobra's plan to assassinate my sister's barbie who was the new president. I also always enjoyed the fact that in my little imaginary world, The Baroness was dealing with G.I. Joe. She was this perfect fem fatal long before I even knew that word or its definition.

Of course, I eventually grew out of the stage of being in love with cartoon characters. (Well, in a sense, I just realize how unrealistic that is now.) But fortunately, I was soon introduced, by accident, to Reality Bites. Not only did this introduction give me one of the most important movies in my personal collection, it also gave me Lisa Loeb. She is so cute. I love you Lisa! And of course her music has been with me ever since.

So I guess it shouldn't be surprised at the physical reactions I have to glasses on women. In a very odd way, I've been engineered to find them attractive. But I guess that's part of what my life is about, that discovery of what I enjoy, what I want. And hell, I've come to a better understanding of the need to enjoy the little things, the patches of happiness in the world. So, to all you glasses wearing women out there, thank you. You've made my life a little bit better.