Spring Break

One week until spring break. Normally, this means very little to me. Spring break is usually a week of being horribly lazy and just playing video games till my eyes bleed. This year will be quite different. I actually have a full week ahead of me.

I'm quite excited for the first part of my week. As a birthday present, I get to go down to Phoenix and see my favorite musical Avenue Q with Sarah LaRue. As an added bonus, I get to go and play at the wildlife park. Now that's what I call lots of fun.

My second spring break adventure however, has started to cause me a touch of apprehension. Wednesday night I will be hopping a plane for St. Louis and chaperoning the SUU students at this years Sigma Tau Delta national conference. Now, under most circumstances, a free trip to St. Louis would be a great thing, but last year I did promise myself I wouldn't be going to another Sigma Tau Delta conference again.

My promise and apprehension here is a perfect example of the human nature to avoid things that are unpleasant. If you eat Wendy's and then proceed to throw up for the next 24 hours, you aren't going back to Wendy's any time soon. The same is true for me and Sigma Tau Delta. I never should have gone last year. Poor choice on my part. Now, admittedly, last year at this time I was eyeball deep in poor choices. So making one more shouldn't be a big surprise for anyone.

Last years conference was an almost constant hell for me. There were a couple of moments where I didn't specifically want to just throw up my soul into the toilet. Thank God for drag shows, Hell's Kitchen, Neil Gaiman, and comic shops. Now, sorry if this hurts the feelings of anyone who was there, but it was terrible for me. That's just the facts. And if I'm going to be perfectly honest, my enjoyment of Sigma Tau Delta conferences has decreased significantly over time. There's a lot of reasons for this diminishing return, but I think my increasing age and maturity is a huge factor.

I have come to the realization that I'm a 31 year old in a 23 year old culture. Now true, I'm not your average 31 year old. I've still got my comics, my video games, and my child like joy of the world, but that aside, I'm still 31. I have my masters degree, I teach a full load of college classes, I'm shooting for a Phd, and I'm dealing with my writing in a way that they never tell you about as an undergrad. So I'm feeling like an adult, which is a good thing, but there is just stuff out there that has started to drive me through the wall.

I've had it with people second guessing and trying to correct who I am. My mom may still treat me like I'm somewhere between 16 and 23, but that doesn't mean anyone else has that right. Who I am, what I'm going to do, how I'm going to spend my paycheck, is my business. This has always been a brig problem with me continuing to deal with Sigma Tau Delta. At its core, Sigma Tau Delta is about undergraduates and where they are at. Recognition goes to the safe, simple, and archaic. Experimentation and specialization is frowned upon. When I was an undergrad, it fit perfectly for what I was doing, but I've moved far beyond that. Professor Joseph Willis has no place presenting at Sigma Tau Delta.

So, my goal in going to conference this year is to make it my own. I have the things that I need to do and take care of while I'm there, but I'm Professor Willis and that means I need to bring that with me to this because the only place Professor Willis has at a conference like this is as a chaperon. I am who and what I am, and I know what that is better than anyone alive.

The sad ending to this story, I'm starting to question if Professor Willis has a place here in Cedar City. I'm doing what I can, but I'm not sure how long I can survive in a culture that punishes me for being single and over the age of 25. I'm sick of this culture telling me something is wrong. I've been doing an inventory and diagnostic. Trust me, there's nothing wrong here.